Widowmaker Saves The Day
by Kream45
Summary: Widowmaker saves the entire Earth with her incredible power, but everybody still believes she's an embodiment of Satan (because she has black hair, and black equals Hell). Also, it turns out that Reaper's favorite Pixar movie is Ratatouille, and Sombra prefers Wall-E. This leads to a big argument, which results in the destruction of entire Africa.


**/This story is equivalent to being fisted by angry John Cena – it hurts, you want to die, but in the end, you're gonna want more anyway./**

Widowmaker has left a bakery with a bag of croissants, ready to eat them on her way to the cinema, when suddenly, aliens from another galaxy came attacking. They were killing and raping everyone.

Widowmaker saw this and got scared, but she remembered she knew a trick, that's perfect for such occasions. She aimed her hand at the alien ship and casted a spell.

"Hocus Pocus Abracadabra Alakazam!" she said, and the alien ship was no more. It simply evaporated.

The aliens that were on the ground saw this and surrendered. Humans kind of felt bad for them and befriended the aliens.

People then realized that Widowmaker was the one who saved them.

"Hey guys, didn't that purple chick just destroy a whole spaceship?" someone said.

"Yes, it was very impressive." said someone else.

Widow heard this and blushed.

"Come on, it was just a simple spell..." she said, "I was just at the right place at the right time."

Then people noticed something.

"What, what are you looking at?" she asked, confused.

"Your hair is black and your skin is purple."

"Yeah, so what?"

"You're SATAN!"

People started screaming and running around like crazy. Widowmaker has had enough of being discriminated, and the people were so loud that she had to calm them down. Permanently.

She summoned a big meteorite, which destroyed simply everyone and everything. Then, when she saw that nobody around was alive, she farted. Because she didn't want anyone to hear.

In the meantime, Reaper and Sombra were standing inside the cinema, waiting for Widow.

"Where is that purple woman?" Sombra asked. She was playing Mario Kart 69 on her Nintendo 4DS XXXL.

"She said she wanted to buy some French snacks, to smuggle into the cinema." Reaper stated. He was browsing through the cinema's booklet with the list of all movies.

He saw a cool movie and showed it to Sombra.

"Let's go on this movie." He said. Sombra looked at the leaflet.

 **Edgy and Furious**

 _The most edgy fucking movie ever made, featuring Nicolas Cage as Edgy Ben. Ben and his other edgy friends have to commit suicide in order to end their pathetic lives. Turns out it's not that simple to do it. They ask Satan for help, which ends badly for them and everyone else…_

"Looks promising enough, m I rite?" Reaper asked her.

"It looks pretty shitty, even for you. I'd say we should go on this movie:" Sombra showed him the leaflet and pointed at a strange movie.

 **Ultim8 Hax0rz**

 _A group of Cambodian hackers break into a Facebook account of a famous popstar. They post dank memes on her page and her fans wonder if she lost her mind. The fun ends when the hackers get caught and sentenced to death by raping. They have to escape to a different dimension if they want to survive._

"Sombra, this is shit. It's just garbage." Reaper stated his opinion.

"Wow edgelord, then maybe we'll go on a Disney Pixar movie for kiddies, how about that?"

"Hey, don't make fun of Pixar." Reaper said, "It's my childhood. I remember watching Ratatoille every time it was on TV."

"Huh, I prefer Wall-E." Sombra said, "It's much better."

"Excuse me, but did you just say that you're a fucking idiot? Cuz that's what I've heard."

"No, I said that YOU SUCK DICK."

"Sombra, I'll let you know that I haven't sucked anyone's dick ever in my life, and that one time with Widow wearing a strapon doesn't count, I already told you that."

"Well, maybe you're just a hidden gay then. You know, you actually want dick, but you aren't aware of that."

"How… what? There is no such thing as a "hidden gay", and how can you want something and not be aware of that?"

"Well, you just don't think of it, but if you had a chance, you'd take a dick up your black anus, m I rite, Reaper?"

"No? That's not true. Here, I'm thinking about it. And guess what? I still don't want any dicks in my ass! Therefore I'm straight."

"Come on, you really don't want a dick in your ass?"

"What, why? Do you like taking it up the ass?"

"I didn't say that."

"That's what I assumed."

"Well you're wrong."

"You're such a slut, Sombra."

"Edgelord."

"Where is Widow? She was supposed to be here half an hour ago."

Then suddenly, Widowmaker entered the cinema.

"Hi." She said.

"Where are the snacks you were supposed to bring?" Sombra asked.

"I never said I would bring any." Widow said, "I said that I'm gonna buy them, and so I did, but I ate them on my way here. Besides, you can't bring your own food to the cinema."

"I hate you." Reaper said.

"I know which movie we're going to watch." Widow said, "It's called Zootopia 11 – The Great Suckage."

She showed them a leaflet.

 **Zootopia 11 – The Great Suckage**

 _A little kitty-girl Sofia works at a grocery and her life is shit. But, with the help of her friends, she moves on with her life and makes a lot of money. Her family doesn't know that she started starring in porn movies. However, her younger brother searches for gangbang porn on his computer and finds about the cruel truth… doesn't stop him from fapping to that, tho._

"This is the reason why I don't go to cinema with you, Widow." Reaper said, "This is the worst movie you could have suggested."

"Yeah, this is pure shit." Sombra added, "I think I'll pass on this cinema ticket…"

"No, we HAVE to watch a movie today." Widow said, "I'm not going to waste these three free tickets I've won."

"Then what movie shall we go and watch?" Sombra asked.

Widow thought for a while and then said:

"We will watch Zootopia 11 and that's final."

She dragged them into the cinema, they watched the first five minutes and left.

"Wow… I didn't expect it would be THAT bad…" Widow said in shock.

"I might have to cut myself again today… even though I dropped the habit years ago…" Reaper couldn't catch his breath.

"I've seen some weird stuff in my life, but this fucking movie shits on all of those things…" Sombra said, traumatized.

"Well, I guess it wasn't a good idea to watch Zootopia 11." Widow said, "It couldn't have been better than my favorite Pixar movie anyway – Toy Story."

"Toy Story is okay I guess." Reaper said.

"Yeah, I think so too." Sombra added, "But Wall-E is still better than Ratatouille, you piece of shit."

"What did you say, cunt?" Reaper got angry, "Wait… Is there something missing here, or is it just me?"

"Ohh, yes. I forgot." Widow said and took out a weird remote from her pocket. She pressed the button and the entire Africa was destroyed.

 **THE END**

 _That was a *blast*, m I rite? Get it? Cuz Africa got destroyed… wow._


End file.
